8:40 p.m. • 2007-10-02

Listening to: Shellac

Hum....I really think I'm going nuts....? This puppy that the husband so wanted is eating me alive. She knows I'm scared of her, but as I've written before she has ripped several pairs of jeans and has chunked my skin. I don't want her. I feel sad for the cat because she is fearful as well.

Seriously......

My family is starting shit again too. That whole thing about calling on my brother when he made suicidal ideations and now he is stuck with a huge bill. Subtly Mom laid the guilt once again last night. Come on he's fucking 31 and still lives at home......who's fucking enabling him.?! I thought he needed help, he still does. Nothing wrong with that.

I have an opportinity to go see a show with girls on Friday. I really hope I do go.

Now listening to: Beat Happening

I don't feel supported right now.

I know I'm alienating myself too.

I hate analyzing everything too. I might be alittle more "normal" if I didn't always break things apart.

I like to walk by myself and keep my thoughts in and laugh and sighe. I still like to swing on swings....its all by myself. I don't think I'm too old. Your too old if you can't enjoy that as well.

An old man, well I work with his grandson, he said I looked so, so, so, so young. He tells me this everytime I see him. It creeps me out because he is a dude telling me that, yet I guess my spirit evokes what I look and act like. Maybe I hate myself, set myself up, no fucking clue.

I'm almost finished with the latest BUST mag. Since Punk Planet died, I've been going through BUST like toilet paper. ?!

My kitty just said hello, so goodbye!

-Bexx

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