9:14 p.m. • 2007-12-20

Listening to: Elliott Smith

Its been awhile since I've been here. I used to come here everyday, check my notes, read others diaries, and write of course. Its so ordinary, yet, I'm getting old and my life as this diary used to project is no longer there. Things have changed.

I guess I'm no longer (as)depressed or anxious, not looking for cheap thrills at shows (watching Travis sing from D-Plan then again this band is so long gone), drinking (as much), saying fuck you all of the time, getting high off my anger, and buying records/CD's.

Now I know that all of the above still will exist either in memories, feelings, because they make me human, and yeah, boys, will always be fun to look at, and then of course, I do pursue the record stacks at the shops now and then......yet I'm in a different direction. A direction I guess I've been avoiding to admit. Childhood is not lost and "never" will be (totatlly). It's just that I don't get (as) excited about the things I once did.

It's sad, makes me sad, and I've avoided writting this "Dear John" for awhile. I haven't written album reviews, attended nearly as many shows, and commented on things that piss me off....because these things have dissapated. My spelling still sucks and always will be. I still get refreshed and fueled when a song or voice feeds me, yet not as often.

Anyways, I haven't been true to the format of this diary, the thing that gave it life and me life.

So, I say good bye to you......I don't want to say for forever (because I hate the word and also the word never), but for now good bye. Most likely I will not be back. For those of you that still read you can find me still on those brainless uncreative "friends" sites, as you already know. If you don't have my url....leave a note, I'll still come back and read your pages now and then and cry and laugh at my past entries.

So so long........

"goddamn" as Isaac Brock used to say alot before he sold out.

It was a good ride....I end this "last" enty by oddly listening to (not purposeful, it just came up) "Kiwi Maddog 20/20" by the lovely Elliott Smith .

Lastly, music still gives me life, regardless of the emotion it emits. When music ceases to give me this, call me a fucking dumb ass and slap me.

-Bexx

7 8